Moms are irrational

As I lay in bed writing this, I'm constantly checking my video baby monitor. Why? Well because Mr.B has been in his room for two hours(since bedtime) playing by himself.. For 2 hours! 

Don't get me wrong I'm thankful it's not fighting/crying/screaming for two hours but what 20month old does this?? 

Part of me feels like a horrible mother because my baby has some how adapted to being alone? Other than bedtime he is never left alone so I'm not sure why he is so comfortable with it? During the day we are always playing or reading together. Sometimes he plays by himself while I watch but I am always there. 

Possibly because he knows I am here if he needs anything, but what if something else? Part of me worries I'm not giving him what he needs so he's learned to "fend for himself". 

I know that's my crazy mommy side but its hard not to go there sometimes.

To be honest he's been very independent his whole life. From 6months on he refused to cuddle. Unless he's hurt, sick, or VERY tired cuddles are out of the question. He'd rather explore and learn. 

I just want to be the best possible mom I can be and him being so independent is either a sign of a great job or a huge flaw... Who wouldn't be worried about landing on the wrong side? 

I can't wait until he can talk better and we can have discussions about things like this so I can tell him mommy is always there for him and him know what it means and that its true. 

Most of me believes that he is fine and just content by himself. I just have to focus on that part and ignore the rest ☺ 

The worst part is if he was the opposite and could never be left alone I'd be wondering what is wrong again. There is no happy medium for moms. No matter what we or our kids do we always wonder if there is something better we should be doing. 

But there is no point in worrying about something I can't figure out just yet.