But, he was only 35w4d. He was born exactly 1 month early. This classes him as premature. He was 6lb 8oz! When he was first born everything looked good. I was able to hold him immediately and he latched well! I couldn't have been more proud. However he was breathing a little fast and grunting. The grunting continued which lead to him being admitted into the NICU.
I was crushed. My perfect tiny baby was not with me. I could go visit but needed sleep also. I was kept in the recovery ward that night and had to listen to other moms arrive with their babies. I heard other babies crying and their moms soothing, feeding and holding them and wasn't able to do any if that.
When my doctor told me I could be discharged or spend another night since my tiny love wasn't leaving I left. I k we he wouldn't be home for days and I couldn't handle another night around the happy visiting families. Also Mr B was home as well as my hubby. I needed them. It's been 60hours since my Lucas was born. He is still in the NICU. He is looking good and I visit when possible. I pump liquid gold for him every 3-4h and bring it twice a day.
I don't think anyone does but I didn't expect a NICU baby. It's emotional and draining. There is nothing you can do. I realized today that my son is 2 days inks and I don't know what his face looks like. He has tubes, a hat, an eye mask. I don't know what he looks like. I have a 2min memory from the delivery room of him looking at me with blue eyes and that's it.
Before this gets too long as it will full of my experience and wonder, if you have a premie you are not alone. There is a chance my Lucas could come home next week. For the mommies and daddies whose babies spend weeks/months in the NICU my heart goes out to you. Leaving a piece of myself behind everytime I walk out those hospital doors is the hardest thing I've ever done.
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