Halloween with a toddler

Well it's the end of September. The stores are filled with spooky decorations, the pumpkin has taken over our coffees and snacks, and the temperature today was shockingly low. All reminding us that of course here in Canada Thanksgiving is close, but more noticeably Halloween is just around the corner!

Mr B not even being 2yet as a rule is not allowed sugar. Last year we took him too the mall for some activities and then home. We may take him trick or treating but we still haven't made a final decision. 

I really wanted to do pumpkin carving. Last year we cleaned out a pumpkin and put Mr B inside for pictures! 

It was cute but not happening this year. So I needed to find something else. It's not safe to have him around knives and he isn't able to draw anything to carve out yet. Thankfully, thanks to a mommy group friend, the answer was shown to me... Pumpkin Painting!

Yesterday now, since its 4am feeding time, we went to a farm and Mr B picked out his own pumpkin! My sister was there too so her son picked one out also. Then during his nap daddy grabbed some permanent  paint and brushes.  Once he was awake we removed his cloth diaper, put him in a disposable and nothing else(except his boots he insisted on wearing) then we went outside to paint! 

This is the first time Mr B has enjoyed painting!! I showed him what to do and he did the rest. He used different colors and got it done. He did try eating the paint a few times but thankfully I stopped him as we couldn't use friendly water colors for something that would sit outside. Also he really wanted to paint himself at the end. I'm glad he had fun there will absolutely be more painting in our near future. 

For those with kids this is a VERY kid friendly activity!! It allows them to be right in the middle of the fun! My nephew is 7 and very much enjoyed it too. It's a cheap and easy way to get ready for Halloween and decorate for fall. 

Make sure if you do this you have a lot of space for mess. We chose outside. Also have a lot of cleaning supplies on hand. We brought out a package of baby wipes so that every time Mr B would paint his belly or fingers we could wash them right away before it stained or he tried to eat it. 

I love finding and doing new things with my babies. This is something we will enjoy doing again over the next few years.

It's My Due Date

Well today is my due date. Which also means that today my Lucas turns one month old! This last month has been a roller coaster ride. So many drastic highs and lows. I'm so happy that he is home! 

It's been two weeks and I haven't fully adjusted my sleep around my babies. Meaning I'm not getting a whole lot. I find I am doing well with balancing my time between them. Mr B loves being a big brother. I am thrilled to be a mommy of two. Gradually the sleep will come. But in so in love with cuddles and my boys that I don't mind. Every minute I'm not sleeping is another moment, memory I'm spending with them. 

I can't believe its been a month. Part of me feels every day and another part feels cheated the two weeks he was in the hospital. I know that as he gets older that two weeks will feel like nothing but for now its still such a big part of his life. I love every day with my family. I wouldn't trade it for anything ❤ 

Perfectly imperfect

 I just picked up my sons books for the 5th time today. My floors are swept but need to be washed. My house is packed with work in progress renovations. We have large bills that we didn't expect hit us this year. 

But it's 730pm, my hubby worked late and is cooking diner on the BBQ. Mr B is outside with him playing. I love listening to them play. The joy i hear from them is an irreplaceable memory. My tiny Mr L is sleeping soundly in his playpen. I had to write because right now in this moment my life is absolutely perfect. 

I know that we will probably never have a ton of money in the bank. But we are ok. We have debt but its manageable. We also have a house, and a new jeep to account for part of our debt. 

I am frequently overwhelmed by the amount of love I feel for my family. The joy at having everything I've ever wanted. It's incredible that at 25 I had all my childhood dreams come true. Which leaves the skys open for my new dreams as an adult. 

Right now my life may not be perfect, but it is absolutely perfect for me.

Happily living perfectly imperfect forever.

Just Want My Baby Home

Every night on my way to bed I walk past Lucas's empty crib and wonder when my baby will finally come home to me. 

He turned 1 week old today. He is still on semi demand feeding. He still only eats half of what they would like on his own. I hope that the next time he is switched to demand of he wants to continue with the 26ml that he will start waking up more often. As long as he gets his daily requirement he might still go home. 

I cringe every time someone asks me when he will be home. I don't know. And it breaks my heart every time I have to say that out loud. 

I've had to spend less time at the hospital. It was putting too much strain on Brycena routine constantly being carted around all day and not napping properly. The day I have all my boys under one roof will be the day I can finally breath again. 

Lucas is fine. He is healthy and doing well. He just doesn't want to eat on his own. And why would he when he can eat a he likes and get tube fed the rest. 

Jumbled blog for all the jumbled thoughts in my head right now.

I have so much sympathy for all the other parents and families that have to go through this too. 

Babies Take Time To Bake

Dear Parents-to-be,

As a mommy of two believe me when I say I understand how exhausting pregnancy is. I know that those 40+ weeks can drag on. But PLEASE stop trying to induce labor before 40 weeks. 

As someone who currently has a premie in the NICU you have no idea what it's like. 

My day:

1am wake up to pump

2am back to sleep

3am wake up, drive 30min to the hospital, spend 1hour feesing and cuddling my son baby. Cry. Leave my baby behind... Again... Drive 30min home

6am pump

7am back to sleep

830am wake up with Mr B

Make breakfast for us both and get dressed

930am get Mr b ready, drive 30min to the hospital, leave him with the sibling care. Spend 1hour with my baby, cry, leave him there... Again.. Drive 30min home

12pm get home and make Mr B lunch, put him down for a nap

1pm pump

2-3pm pass out

3-4 get Mr b a snack and then drive 20min to pick up hubby

430 drive 30min to hospital, spend 45min feeding and cuddling my baby, cry, leave him there again. Drive 30min home with a hungry cranky toddler. 

630 - hubby or I makes diner and we eat

730 pump

9 go to sleep

11pm pump

Repeat

Every second of my day is divided between driving, hospital and TRYING to get some quality time with Mr B. I barely see my new born son but I am spending 3-4hrs a day just driving to and from the hospital so I can see him as much as I am. Then when I do see him its not a newborn like you picture. My son first had an IV in his arm which was taped to a board, he had a machine forcing his airways open, his face was puffy and covered. I didn't know what his face looked like for 2 days after his birth. As well as he had a feeding tube. My son was born at 35+4... He was almost 36 weeks and he weight an impressive 6lb 8oz. Yet he is still in the hospital. He will be a week old tomorrow and I have no idea when he will finally be able to come home. 

I didnt have a choice. I had a pregnancy condition that forced me to be induced. But most of you can choose! There is a reason your perfect little baby hasn't come out yet. I would love to have felt my tiny mister moving around inside for another 5 weeks. I wish every day for the hot flashes and lack of sleep because my baby would be with me at all times. 

There is a reason our babies stay in for 40 weeks. You have the whole rest of their lives to hold, watch, touch, smell, cuddle them. Be patient. 

Every minute longer they can stay in is what's best for them. 

Thanks for listening

A mommy of a brand new NICU baby. 

I have a preemie

On August 20, 2013 my second son entered this world. He is of course absolutely incredible of course. 

But, he was only 35w4d. He was born exactly 1 month early. This classes him as premature. He was 6lb 8oz! When he was first born everything looked good. I was able to hold him immediately and he latched well! I couldn't have been more proud. However he was breathing a little fast and grunting. The grunting continued which lead to him being admitted into the NICU. 

I was crushed. My perfect tiny baby was not with me. I could go visit but needed sleep also. I was kept in the recovery ward that night and had to listen to other moms arrive with their babies. I heard other babies crying and their moms soothing, feeding and holding them and wasn't able to do any if that. 

When my doctor told me I could be discharged or spend another night since my tiny love wasn't leaving I left. I k we he wouldn't be home for days and I couldn't handle another night around the happy visiting families. Also Mr B was home as well as my hubby. I needed them. It's been 60hours since my Lucas was born. He is still in the NICU. He is looking good and I visit when possible. I pump liquid gold for him every 3-4h and bring it twice a day. 

I don't think anyone does but I didn't expect a NICU baby. It's emotional and draining. There is nothing you can do. I realized today that my son is 2 days inks and I don't know what his face looks like. He has tubes, a hat, an eye mask. I don't know what he looks like. I have a 2min memory from the delivery room of him looking at me with blue eyes and that's it.

Before this gets too long as it will full of my experience and wonder, if you have a premie you are not alone. There is a chance my Lucas could come home next week. For the mommies and daddies whose babies spend weeks/months in the NICU my heart goes out to you. Leaving a piece of myself behind everytime I walk out those hospital doors is the hardest thing I've ever done. 

The unplanned pregnancy

I personally have never had an unplanned pregnancy. When I was young before I was diagnosed with PCOS I thought I was once because I skipped a month and didn't know that's what it was. 

But for you ladies who had unplanned pregnancies I feel for you. Whatever the outcome of that pregnancy was. 

Being a mom and having a FAMILY of my own is something I've always wanted. But I know many women who either don't want babies, are too young, or just aren't there in their relationship who have found themselves pregnant. Some of them know exactly the day they didn't use protection, missed their pill, took antibiotics, or the condom broke. Others have no idea. They religiously use protection and it still happened. The facts are that no protection is 100% effective. Sometimes a condom breaks and you as a lady don't know. 

Right now I know someone in that situation. Her and boyfriend have only been together a few months. They use condoms every time. She isn't ready to have another baby. Yet this afternoon he found out she is pregnant. She doesn't know what to do but was bawling on the phone. Her boyfriend is great but how well can you know someone after only 3 months? They don't and have never talked about living together. They have been just enjoying being together. No matter what happens from this point on their relationship is forever changed. 

She is terrified to tell him. I can't imagine how hard this must be for her. All of my pregnancies were worked for. Finding those two pink lines the biggest blessings in my life! I couldn't wait to share the news with my husband. The idea of him becoming a dad was what we had been trying for. 

But for you mommies or mommies-to-be out there. Know you have support. Even if you don't know how on earth you are going to get through this with or without the daddy, there are so many who understand. I can only sympathize as I am with my friend. But for you there are so many who have been and are in the same position. 

Your baby will love you just the same even if it wasn't planned. If you choose not to go through with the pregnancy I can't even imagine how hard if a decision that was for you. But for you too there are ones who understand and support. 

Sending love and support out to all of you who started this journey in a way that wasn't ideal.