To my Husband

There are some days where I get so frustrated. You don't do things I want you to or how I want them done. Sometimes I use attitude when I shouldn't and sometimes I'm just a plain bitch. 

But my love. I have to tell you. Thank you for being you. 

Thank you for not agreeing with me all of the time. Thank you for being an amazing daddy. I know sometimes when I tell you not to do certian things with the kids you feel like you can't do anything right. But you can and do.

Because here's the truth. I learn from you too. I see the way you play with our boys and it fills my heart with joy. Could you probably give them a little more slack sometimes? Sure. But there are many things you do better than I do also. That's why we're a team. We learn from eachother. We are growing and learning. 

We jumped into this together. And that's how we'll continue. 

Our boys are so lucky to have a daddy so involved with them. One who plays with them, knows them, goes to practice with them. Your a daddy who works hard for them showing them things don't come easy or cheap. 

So thank you for fighting with me. Thank you for testing me. Thank you for being you. Thank you for doing everything to make sure your family has what it needs. We are so blessed to have you. Thank you for flowers and nice words and being my person when I need someone. Thank you for needing me as much as I need you. 

I love you more than words. 

We Hit Our 1 year Breastfeeding Goal!!

We did it!! 

I can't believe I made it a year exclusively breastfeeding! I am so proud and incredibly amazed. 

Breastfeeding can be so hard and so challenging. 

My tips: 

1) if your baby is hungry, FEED THEM!

2) Don't care what anyone else thinks or says. It doesn't matter

3) Practise nursing in public, your life will be so much easier

4) take it one day at a time, one feed at a time. 

5) remind yourself why your doing it

6) enjoy the time with your baby, all too soon it's over and you will never get that time back

As I sit here typing this my heart is heavy. At only 2 weeks past his first birthday Lucas went to bed without nursing. I miss our nightly cuddles. We still have some during story time but it's not the same. It makes me sad that he's growing up so much. I still pump for the dayhome. He still mostly drinks breastmilk but soon that will end too. I thought I was ready to be done. But it's so hard to let go. I wish I could stay home and not work, wish I could continue breastfeeding just a little but longer, but it seems like it's not really in my control. 

To all mamas; you can do it! It's hard and it can be stressful! Push through. The reward is so much more than the stress. The bond, the comfort, the time. All irreplaceable moments in my mind. 

We made it a year! You can do it too. 

My baby is a Year old!!

To my brand new one year old. 

I can't believe how fast this year has flown by. The day you were born was one of the happiest and most terrifying days of my life. You came and you looked so perfect and heathy. Then because of what seemed like a harmless noise you were whisked away from me. 

All that remains of those long hard days are pictures posts and memories. 

Today you are just as I always thought you were, perfect and healthy. You filled a hole in our family we didn't know exsisted. You make the world brighter just by being you. 

Your smart and observant. I look at you and it amazes me how you are that same tiny baby. 

You've made Brycen a better person already by having you to care for. He loves trying to make you laugh and smile. You scream all the time just for fun and it drives daddy crazy!  I feel blessed every day to say your mine. 

You have 8 teeth and are almost walking. Your favorite people are mommy, daddy and Brycen. You love every dog you've ever seen. You still try and eat everything in site, including mommy and daddy's arms and faces. Your smile is infectious. 

I love you so completely. 

Happy birthday to my sweet tiny love, may your next year be even better than your last. 

Xo

Mommy

Working mommy status

Well, the day is almost here. 

Tomorrow I again enter the world of working mommy. 

Had our circumstances been different I would absolutely love nothing more than to stay home with my boys every single day until they were in full time school. Having morning netflix snuggles with B and afternoon naptime snuggles with L are two of my greatest joys in life. No longer will my days be filled with sand, cartoons and toddler laughter. In my new day time world it's all fluorescent lights, computer screens and the clicking of keyboards. 

I do have quite a few ladies I'm looking forward to break times with. My job itself is not awful. But nothing will ever be better than my Monday meetings with a curly haired two year old or watching my baby discovering walking and climbing stairs. 

Believe me! I know, that I'm not the only one. Many families are unable to live on one income. This doesn't make me feel better, it just makes me also sad for the other moms who wish to stay home. 

Please don't preech how it's all about sacrifice to stay home. I've thoroughly looked into it, if I could I would. Unfortunately our past spending habits and hard times have put us far enough in the hole that one income just won't get us out quite yet. 

So tomorrow I'll wake up, get ready, drop my boys off at day home, and rejoin the working world.

It will be an adjustment. I know I'll be fine. But having life exactly how you always wished it would be and then having to step away from that is difficult. I'm looking into some at home businesses which hopefully will help me earn more money to bring me closer to home with my loves. It's all one small step at a time. 

Be who you want to be

When you are growing up you're always asked who you want to be when your older. Some kids say doctors, lawyers, princesses and dragons. As you get older your asked again and the question becomes more serious. 

Truth: I'm 26 and still have NO idea what I want to DO. 

BUT, who do I want to BE? That's easy. I want to be a good friend. I enjoy being the one people can trust when they have a problem. I want to be a good person. I want to help where I can. I want to be a good mother. Someone my kids can always turn to for advice and guidance. I want to be a good role model for them and the other kids in my life. I want to be a good wife. Loving and understanding with the strength to stand on my own two feet but more than willing to hand over the reigns. I want to be remembered as someone people cared about. I want to love without holding back. I chose to be all of these things and so so mun more. This is who I want to BE. 

I hope the same for my children. I hope their nice. I hope their generous. I hope their thpughtful. I hope they are good partners and friends. I hope they are good fathers one day I hope that they learn from me to treat others with respect and kindness. I hope they are selfish enough to know when to put themselves first and humble enough to know that others have needs greater than theirs. I hope they know that nobody could possibly love them more that their mommy does each and every second of every day. 

Who are you? Who do you want to be? 

Life Happens

Boy oh boy.

 When things happen they just fly at you all at once. 

I know it's been a while since I've been on and soon you'll see why. 

First let's update about my boys! Brycen is as smart as ever. At 2.5 he's a daredevil who loves to get into everything! Especially the things he shouldn't. He's funny and creative and makes me proud every day to be his mom. Lucas is now 8months(WHAT?!). Yep 8 moths ago and some I gave birth for the second time which means in less than 4 months my tiny love will be turning 1! He's not quite crawling but he twirls himself around and pulls himself around with his arms. He loves being on his tummy and still doesn't nap well. He loves eating big people food and is still breastfed(go us!). 

Now for the rest of it.

My mom is a breast cancer survivor. On Good Friday she showed me a lump on her left side where she had had her mastectomy. I took her to the dr on Monday, she went for an ultrasound/core biopsy/mammogram on Wednesday then on Friday she had a chest X-ray. The following monday(2days ago) she got the call went in and it was confirmed to be cancer again. She now has a bone density scan this coming Friday and is on call for a CT scan. Once she has those she will have an appointment with the cross cancer institute to discuss what the next steps are. I am terrified. I'm scared to lose my mom. I'm only 26 and my babies aren't old enough to remember her yet. I am optimistic she will get through this again but that doesn't mean I'm not scared beyond belief. 

Compounded with this news, my MIL called last Thursday and told us that an ultrasound she had done found a mass on her pancreas that the doctors are pretty certain is cancer. She has her ct scan tomorrow for confirmation. 

Jodi's father passed away thanksgiving weekend 2012 of cancer. It's a lot to deal with. 

My emotional/mental plate is completely full. I have been using exercise to help manage my stress and stay strong for the people in my life. I start a new program in about a week which will be a huge help for me. 

Also on April 26 I started the 100 happy days challenge where you post a picture very day for 100 days of something that made you happy. In the next few months I know and expect to have a lot of lows. This challenge will keep me focused on all of the positive things in my life to keep my spirits up so I can reflect that on those close to me. 

I have signed up for two runs this summer. Color me rad on July 5, 2014 and Mud Hero on August 10, 2014. I am so grateful to have these to look forward too. 

My life has so many blessings and sorrorws right now I'm on a constant emotional roller coaster I don't know whether to cheer or cry. I am so grateful for my boys. My kids and my husband give me something every day to be thankful for. They are my sunshine that can brighten any day. I know that I have a lot of hard times ahead but with them surrounding me I know I an get through anything. 

Being a mommy and wife are the absolute greatest things I have ever done. Nothing can compare to the love and joy my family brings me. Of course my babies stress me out sometimes, they're young and I'm not perfect. Absolutely my husband can drive me crazy like nobody else. But they're mine and I'm theirs. 

So that's a recap of my current life situation. My posts will probably be as emotional as I am, big highs and deep lows. Thank you to anyone reading along. 

Xoxo

Linda

My New Years non resolution

I don't really ever make resolutions. I believe if you want to do something then do it. Don't wait for a time or place to tell you you have to. If something is motivating you to do it(kids, work, husband, self) then that's all you need.  

However. I have been practicing a new thing which since its January 13th I'm calling my "non resolution".

You may have noticed (or not that's fine too) that there has been a dip in my posts again. I am working on a semi cyber detox. I love social media, however I love my boys more. I want to be engaged with them. I don't ever want them to feel the need to compete with my phone. B is already always trying to play with my phone. I desperately don't want an electronic addicted child. I want my boys to have wild imaginations and dreams! 

I want them to know that the world, while at their fingertips via the internet, is more than just a screen! I hope to enstil a travel bug in their hearts, a desire to be outdoors(even in these frigid Canadian winters), and a love for spending face to face time with other people. 

** fun fact my phone just autocorrected face time to FaceTime!! EXACTLY my point! 

 I am certainly not trying to overly down play the usefulness of technology. I love the ease at which I can be reached and everything that is so simple to find. However, I don't want my boys to miss out on life, because they are "watching" everyone else love theirs. 

I am working on leading by example. Which means unplugging as much as possible. Leaving my phone in my bag, no Facebook, Twitter or Instagram for the majority of the day. It has been a little hard at times to break the habit but I love being present in my sons lives... 

My biggest dilemma was my camera. I frequently have to clear my phone from the hundreds of pictures I take of the boys... But instantly I was sending them to my husband, or posting them on ig. With that I noticed oh I have messages/comments, I better check those quickly... Suddenly it's been 30min, 60min... 90min!! 

No more! I have been carrying around my camera now. I can still capture all of their precious memories, but I can enjoy those moments while they are happening with them and share them later. 

While being unplugged also means fewer blog posts, I hope anyone reading this understands that it's for my own good, and maybe yours too ;)