I am terrified. I know that if born early my baby will most likely be fine. My biggest fears are more selfish than that.
I am scared I will have to stay in the hospital if things get worse. I have only spent 2 nights away from Little B. I have feared my time apart for delivery more than the labor itself. Now I'm worried about having to spend 1-2 weeks away from him.
My second fear is that even if I don't have an extended stay in the hospital, if this little man inside me has to come any sooner than 36 weeks he might have to spend some time in the NICU. I have little B at home, I can't bring a 21mo to the hospital all day to spend in the NICU, at the same time I don't have any options to leave my older boy at home. So I have to stay home days and my poor little man is going to be new and left alone in the hospital. I don't know what to do. I'm scared that already I'm going to have to choose between my boys and neither option is one that doesn't make me feel sick to my stomach.
I am praying and praying that my blood work doesn't get worse. If it stays as is I have a chance of keeping my baby in until 36 weeks. That's all I need. I only have 4 more weeks to go. There is nothing specific I can do to help my situation. I'm relaxing and taking my medication and doing everything I can to keep my doctor happy. 4 weeks, 28 days. Such a crucial amount of time for my baby's development. It is so close and yet so far away. I need to keep myself distracted but every time you rest it's there. Every day when the nurses come is a reminder.
The count down is on in my head. I won't push though. If the doctor says he needs to come out I completely understand. This is for my babies health and well being, it's also for my health but as mothers know that can often take a back burner to your baby.
28 days left.. I just need to make it 28 more days.
